Tips For Effective Co-parenting After Divorce. Handle Kids Better

   Life is not always full of roses, sometimes there are thorns too. But they say, the thorns make you even stronger.

People get married with the hope of starting a family and having a new bright future ahead their way but sometimes things do not turn as planned and the trauma of separation halts your way.

When things go like that what are the available alternatives for partners who are parents too? One alternative can be co-parenting.

How to manage co-parenting ?

You’ve already lost one bond, would you really like to loose another? Whatever you do however you react to this situation of yours, the impact is going to reflect on your child. Make sure you are co-parenting with all your heart. Keeping all things aside and focusing only on your child’s betterment.

Kids have a very delicate heart and mind. The circumstances and situations around them actually shape their minds. Whatever they are observing today is making them the type of person they are going to be. Though you guys are co-parenting but still have some individual responsibilities.

You will have to work together !

Easier said than done, but yes you have to have a word with your partner and discuss religiously that how you guys are going to do this. How will you tackle the problem of raising your child together when you know that there are bound to be clashes between you too. You have to figure out in advance that how are you two going to deal with various matters because when those things will pop up all of a sudden then it would become really tough for you to handle them. Don’t ever take a decision alone which is related to the child. Listen, you are doing this for your child and your love for him knows no boundaries.

Have mutual respect for each other. Even if you will have to co operate with your partner, do it for your child. You better know that the world is tough for a child growing up with a single parent. Your compromises and sacrifices today will bring a better tomorrow for your child.

Introduce your kid to the co-parenting change.

Your child may not be fit as per the age criteria to understand what changes have took place in his and his parent’s life. But its your duty to introduce him to the changes slowly and gradually. Its actually more than important to Soft Skills: How to Inculcate Soft Skills in Children? You cannot leave things as they are or to the matter of time. Everyday your child is going to ask you why dad or mom isn’t coming home? How are you going to answer these questions? Its better to figure out what is the easiest explanation for the situation and deliver it to him. Only you can do this best because you are most attached to him. The child may take some time to grasp the things but trust me its better than keeping him in dark and giving him a sudden shock.

Be flexible and liberal.

Avoid setting boundaries for you child to meet your partner or spend time with him/her. Also, totally avoid saying negative things about your ex to your children. It will mean that you are making them choose between their parents. Avoid this at all costs as your children have the right to be with both of their parents without any influence. No matter what, you both have equal rights on the child’s upbringing and no one should interfere in each other’s task.

Handle the new changes together.

Now that you did your job and your child knows everything, he may experience a sudden shift in the prevailing lifestyle. Your child may stop behaving as he normally did. He may stop talking that much or may express less or be less engaged as such. You have the responsibility to make the new things normal for him at the earliest. Its not the child’s fault and it should not be him who suffers. Talk to him, play with him engage him in things like Dance, Yoga, ask him how he feels, take him to outings, be engaged together, tell him bedtime stories so that he gets back to normal. Once he starts feeling okay then let him figure out his own ways and just stay involved and always keep a close watch. Mostly kids in such scenarios end up being depressed or turn to being introvert or super angry sometimes because their parents lack the required attention towards them but you have to take special care of this. Do not ever leave your child alone because he needs you in this change.

Always keep a check while co-parenting.

It may happen that the child tries to manipulate you by saying that “Mom lets me stay awake till 12 in the night” or “Dad lets me eat all the junk I want”. In such situations its very important to stay neutral and show no signs of anger or frustration. Just explain your child that both of you have different ways and different rules to follow. Make the child understand this strictly but with the same time with softness in your tone.

Also, maybe sometimes the child just lies about what the other parent said or did for material benefits. For example : “Dad brought me a new game today what are you going to get ?” Lies like this should be detected at the earliest and handled with care before they turn into a lifetime habit. Deal with them by simple having regular conversations with you co partner and clearing doubts like such. And next time answer could be that, “But I had a word with your dad and he told me no gift has been bought to you by him”, don’t lie to me from next time because it is not a good habit. See, I told you that you have to remain engaged for your child’s sake.

Final words.

Divorce does not essentialy means the end of the family. How maturely you behave with your ex will keep your child out of emotional harm’s way, and it will help you maintain a solid connection with your child and also will develop healthy co-parenting relationship.

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